Best Ways for Couples to Overcome a Dry Spell

The ever-looming dry spell saga hasn’t exactly faded into a Hollywood urban legend. In fact, it’s happening more these days. Dry spells -- periods of little to no sexual activity - are a common reality in relationships. Yet, Hollywood has often portrayed them in exaggerated or misleading ways, making them seem more dramatic than they actually are.

Hollywood’s Version

Movies and TV shows have long dramatised sex (or lack thereof), turning dry spells into extreme cases filled with comedy, frustration, and heartbreak.

For reference, let’s look at a few of Hollywood’s most famous tropes:

- The dramatic husband/wife - The comedic take on how one partner is too busy while the other is desperate for sexual intimacy (think Friends, Everybody loves Raymond, How I Met Your Mother).
- The “Just one spark” myth - Some films or shows suggest that one grand romantic gesture or a passionate argument is all it takes to reignite a dead bedroom (think: Friends, One Tree Hill, The Notebook, 10 Things I Hate About You).
- Infidelity as the only escape - This version usually comes with “the beginning of the end” kind of scenario, leading one partner to cheat instead of addressing intimate issues (think: Crazy Stupid Love, Fatal Attraction, Desperate Housewives).
- The passion-filled make-up scene - The long dry spells are often resolved in a single night of mind-blowing sex, ignoring the emotional connection and effort real couples need to work through intimacy struggles (think: Sex and the City, The Break-Up).

The Reality of Sex Today

Let’s be real—most couples go through sexual dry spells at some point. And if you know someone who claims they never have, well… either they’re the exception, or they’re just not telling you everything. After all, dry spells aren’t exactly something people brag about!

In contrast, real-life intimacy is much more nuanced than Hollywood suggests:

- It happens more often than you think: Studies show that dry spells are normal, even in happy relationships. Stress, parenting, work, health issues, and emotional disconnect all contribute to fluctuations in intimacy.

- Sex equals effort: Unlike the movies, rekindling intimacy isn’t always spontaneous or fueled by a single moment. It often requires communication, intentional effort, and sometimes even therapy.

- People are open about sexuality: Today’s conversations around sex and relationships are more open and inclusive than before. Couples are increasingly exploring new avenues such as: sex toys, scheduling intimacy, and having open discussions about types of pleasure.

- Quality trumps quantity: Hollywood often focuses on the frequency of sex, whereas real couples are more interested in connection and satisfaction. A dry spell doesn’t necessarily mean a bad relationship – it could just be a phase.

Common Causes of Dry Spells

Dry spells in sex can be caused by a variety of factors, both physical and emotional. Here are some of the common reasons:

1. 1. Stress and anxiety: Work pressure, financial stress, or general life can lead to a lack of desire for sex.
  2. Relationship differences: Communication breakdowns, emotional disconnection, unresolved conflicts, or lack of emotional intimacy can contribute to a dry spell. If the relationship feels strained or tired, sex may eventually take a backseat.

- Health problems: Physical conditions like hormone imbalances, chronic illness, or medications can affect libido and sexual function.

- Family responsibility: The demands of caring for a family can leave little energy or time for sex. Parenting can also shift priorities away from intimacy.

- Fatigue or insomnia: Exhaustion from work, daily errands, or sleeplessness can reduce the desire for sex. Rest is a critical part of maintaining a healthy sex drive.

- Body image issues: Negative feelings associated with one’s appearance can reduce self-confidence.

- Hormone changes: Fluctuating hormones, especially during pregnancy, menopause, or menstruation, can interfere with your sex drive.

- Lack of variety: Repetitive sex routine can lead to burnout or boredom and dissatisfaction, causing both partners to lose interest in sex.

- Emotional burnout: Emotional disconnect between partners will reduce sexual desire for one another.

- Life transitions: Major life changes like moving home, starting a new job, or other changes can disrupt the intimate connection between partners.

- Loss of attraction: Over time, attraction can change, or couples may experience shifts in their sexual desires.

- Parenthood: The arrival of a child and early stages of parenthood can shift focus away from intimacy, as these new responsibilities become a priority.

The Upside

The social pressure surrounding our sex lives hasn’t changed much, often stemming from the fear of judgment around body count (as we’ve learned from rom-coms). Many people still feel bombarded by the idea that a successful relationship is defined by frequent sexual activity—a notion that, while common, isn’t necessarily true.

Believe it or not, both women and men may seek periods of abstinence. Some people have admitted they simply want time to themselves or time to focus on other aspects of their relationship.

Some say that sex after a dry spell feels far more satisfying than if it were just another routine task. A long pause or break can even strengthen emotional bonds and deepen connection with your partner. If the dry spell is intentional, breaking it can feel even more intimate, opening up new opportunities for exploration when you're ready to ease back in. It also allows couples to focus on the emotional aspects of their relationship—because intimacy isn’t just about sex.

Sex Tips for Couples: Dealing With a Dry Spell

Whether you’re married, dating, friends with benefits – everyone has a life of their own and finding the time, as well as energy, for sexy time isn’t so easy to do these days. How does one find the time and energy to be more intimate? It’s one thing if you’ve lost the spark altogether, which is an entire story on its own. It’s another if you’re simply looking for easier ways to get into the mood without much effort.

We’ve compiled a list of our favourite tips on how you can approach the subject.

Solo Play

Make no mistake, it still takes energy to masturbate and initiate self-pleasure. However, it doesn’t always have to be physical. Try something like audio erotica or reading erotica for something different (if you haven’t tried so already). You never know, you could be completely aroused by this pleasure avenue.

Plan Sex in Advance

Your calendar doesn’t have to scream 'work' all the time. If you and your partner choose to try this tip, consider colour-coding your activities for a fun touch. Scheduling intimate time isn’t about making it feel rigid—it’s about prioritising connection. You might be surprised at how seriously you take it, treating it like an unmissable meeting rather than something to postpone or snooze.

Try Outercourse

Think back to your teen years – dry humping is still in season. As the name suggests, it’s a non-penetrative form of sexual intercourse. It’s a great way to ease back into physical intimacy – a prelude to what’s to come. It’s one way of building sexual tension without the complications and effort. Plus, you could completely tailor the experience to your liking.

Talk Dirty With Sexting

Sexting (dirty talk) can help kickstart intimacy when you’re both receptive but not quite in the mood—not the type to send nudes, but more along the lines of GIFs or one-liners in a private message. It's a great way to express desires and reciprocate feelings, especially if you find it hard to communicate in the bedroom. A survey reported that 90% of participants felt aroused by the right erotic talk with their partner—including sexting.

Invest in Adult Toys and Sexy Lingerie

Consider adding a touch of excitement with new sexy lingerie or an old favourite. Nothing says ‘it’s going to be a long night’ quite like slipping into that sexy piece you or your partner had been saving – or finding the perfect excuse to go shopping for something different.

When you’re ready to take things up a notch, look into exploring your wildest fantasies, introducing adult toys, or mixing it up with role-play or foreplay. It’s all about creating an experience you and your partner can fully immerse yourselves in.

Key Takeaway

While Hollywood’s portrayal of dry spells is often exaggerated and filled with dramatic tropes, the reality is that most couples face them at some point. The key to overcoming these dry spells lies in communication, patience, and intentional effort. Whether it’s planning intimate time, exploring fantasies, or simply focusing on emotional connection, dry spells don’t have to signal the end. Instead, they can provide an opportunity for deeper bonding and a renewed sense of intimacy when approached with care and creativity.