What is a Threesome? 5 fun Practical Tips for beginners
A lot of us have either been curious enough to ask: “What is a threesome?” or curious enough to experiment without hesitation. Regardless, this kink-like subject is something we’ve all heard about. No matter where or how, most of us know what it means. But do we really know how it works?
For the folks who are thinking about experiencing a threesome for the first time, you’ve come to the right place. This is where expert tips and real-life moments can help you get a better idea of what to expect (especially if you’re part of the ladies’ crew).
What is a Threesome?
A threesome - or ménage á trois - is a sexual activity that involves three consenting individuals. Some people describe the experience in numerous ways, depending on what the threesome looks like and who it involves (may include multiple genders and different sexual preferences).
How Do You Have a Threesome?
So, how do you even start a threesome?
Apart from the obvious – inviting three people to the party – a threesome comes down to the ‘who’ part. For example, some terms that float like MMF (two men and one woman) or FFM (two females and one male) are used to describe the type of threesome.
Based on the types of relationships, threesomes can happen in several ways:
- Swinging: A tale as old as time. Swinging refers to couples (married or together) who both decide to have sex with other couples and singles. It may include “swapping” partners or group sex, including threesomes.
- Polyamory: Polyamory is the practice or desire of engaging in multiple romantic or sexual relationships at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It focuses on forming emotional bonds as well as sexual connections, emphasizing honesty, communication, and mutual consent.
- Open relationships or marriage: An open relationship or open marriage is a committed partnership where the partners agree that sexual or romantic interactions with people outside the relationship are allowed, usually under agreed-upon rules or boundaries. The focus on maintaining the primary partnership while allowing external sexual or romantic freedom.
- Consensual non-monogamy (CNM): Consensual non-monogamy is a broad term for any relationship structure in which partners agree to have romantic or sexual relationships with others outside the primary relationship, with full transparency and consent. Polyamory and open relationships are both forms of CNM.
Lena’s threesome Experience
This is based on a true story (the person’s name has been changed).
Lena’s first threesome happened at sixteen, in a sweltering New York City summer, and it didn’t go as planned. Pushed aside by her friend, she realized early that fantasies often clash with reality and that she couldn’t rely on being the “lead” in someone else’s story.
Years later, she explored consensual threesomes on her own terms—carefully chosen partners, clear boundaries, and honest communication. While the experiences were thrilling, Lena learned that threesomes aren’t just about sex—they’re about intentions, emotional needs, and mutual respect. As she approached thirty, she recognised the importance of curiosity over obligation and the value of being chosen, not just desired.
Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, a human sexuality expert, echoes this: threesomes should be intentional, consensual, and followed by honest check-ins to avoid insecurity or relational strain. Ultimately, Lena keeps the fantasy alive but exercises care, understanding that real empowerment comes from control, communication, and clarity.
5 Top Tips for Threesome Sex
Thinking about your first threesome can be exciting, a little nerve-wracking, and maybe a bit overwhelming. Experts like Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a sexual science advisor, stress that your fantasy might look very different from reality—and that’s okay. Group sex works differently than a one-on-one situation, so go in with an open mind and a willingness to learn.
1. Start the conversation early
Bringing up a threesome with your partner can feel tricky. The key is to start small and be thoughtful. Talk about fantasies you already share, what turns you on, and what you’re curious about. Approach the topic gently, and frame it as a conversation, not a demand. Ask each other what excites you, what concerns you, and what you hope the experience might be like. No pressure—just open, honest dialogue.
2. Know why you want it
Before you jump in, check in with yourself. Are you curious? Wanting to explore together? Make sure it’s coming from a place of genuine interest and not as a “solution” to relationship issues. Understanding your own intentions helps you stay grounded and enjoy the experience fully.
3. Set boundaries and stick to them
Boundaries are everything. Decide what you’re comfortable with and what’s off-limits—and make sure everyone involved knows and respects those limits. Talk about what happens after the threesome too: set aside time to check in, share feelings, and make sure everyone leaves the experience feeling safe and valued.
4. Embrace the awkwardness
It’s totally normal if things get a little weird. You might not anticipate every twist or stumble, and that’s fine. Consider establishing a safe word, so anyone can pause if things get uncomfortable. Many experts also suggest choosing a third partner you don’t know personally—this can make things simpler and reduce potential complications.
5. Enjoy the moment, not the performance
Finally, don’t stress about making everything “perfect.” Focus on sensation, connection, and curiosity. Take your time, go slow, and pay attention to how everyone is feeling. And remember aftercare: a little emotional check-in after the experience can make a huge difference in keeping everyone feeling respected and cared for.
The takeaway? Talk openly, set clear boundaries, and be prepared for a mix of thrills and awkwardness. With curiosity, communication, and care, your first threesome can be a positive, memorable experience—no matter how unpredictable it turns out to be.
Fun Sex Toys to Use for threesome sex
When it comes to threesome sex, adding sex toys can be a surprisingly easy way for couples to explore together without pressure or awkwardness. Think of them as accessories, not replacements. A vibrating cock ring can add sensation for both partners, a wearable vibrator keeps hands free and fun playful, and remote-controlled toys introduce an element of anticipation that feels a bit like flirting all over again.
The key is choosing toys that encourage connection rather than distraction and talking about what you’re curious to try before switching anything on. Like threesomes, toys work best when they’re about shared curiosity, clear boundaries, and enjoying the moment instead of trying to perform.
